Many of the people I work with are kind, generous and patient with everyone except themselves. Their inner voice is harsh in ways they would never tolerate from someone else.
Where the critic comes from
That critical voice usually started as protection. It tried to keep you safe by keeping you in line, out of trouble or ahead of disappointment. It just never learned to soften once you grew up.
A three-step practice
- Notice. Catch the critical thought and write it down word for word.
- Imagine a friend. Picture someone you love saying this about themselves. What would you say to them?
- Say that to yourself. Out loud if you can. It will feel awkward at first, and that's fine.
Self-compassion isn't letting yourself off the hook. It's what makes change possible.
With practice, the kinder voice gets easier to find. If self-criticism is getting in the way of your life, individual therapy can help you understand it and build a steadier relationship with yourself.
Licensed psychologist in Denver and online across Colorado, working with anxiety, relationships, fertility and trauma.
About individual therapy →This article is for general information and isn't a substitute for professional care. If you're in crisis, call or text 988.
